She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
