Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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