TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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