Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
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I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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