I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.