You can't motorboat a personality
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
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That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??