she looked like the before picture.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
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I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend