just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
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We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.