I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.