I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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