I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize