Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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