I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
