My friends, they love my intelligence
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize