I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
