he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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