i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
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The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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