Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
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how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
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All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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