Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
