he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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