had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
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I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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