I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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