Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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