Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
did i just pee glitter
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
