i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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