There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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