I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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