I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
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the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
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I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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