Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
