i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Holy shit dude........stairs
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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