If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
