I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
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girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
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He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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