so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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