I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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