i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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