I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
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i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
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You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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