So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just found puke in my bra..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.