I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
