I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
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I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
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I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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