im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
