mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
