I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
