Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
