So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
you never un-have a 4some
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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