Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
