Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
