it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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