i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
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I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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