New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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