my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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