She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
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i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
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I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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