Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
