to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
