you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
