Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
